You see, sometimes I get scared. I have huge dreams, and they seem impossible.
Because after all, who am I to achieve these lofty ideas? How am I even remotely worthy?
These are the voices that coaxed me all day, to convince me that I can’t succeed. That if I did succeed, then what? It’s the little voice that tells me the big lie: “you are just a fat housewife. No one wants to listen to you.”
But then I hear my nephew, now my apprentice, talking to a friend on the phone. “God loves you, man,” he says. “no matter what you do.”
Even if I hide behind a novel all day long?
Yes! I know in a heartbeat that this message said for his desperate friend is also for me. It puts new life in me, a new determination.
You see, a few months ago, I received a blow. My world was shattered and it forced me to reevaluate everything about my life and business. I took a sabbatical from work so I could concentrate on my marriage and my husband’s business.
In many ways, this revelation was a relief to me. In all candor, I am not where I want to be. I am not, in life, where I expected myself to me. Something has always held me back. I kept circling down toward the answer, like peeling off the layer of an onion.
And at the bottom of it all, I found out it wasn’t really me. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t even my mindset that held me back ultimately, although that was part of it.
But, looking back, I am not where I was. So much growth has taken place. I am not the same person. My marriage is stronger. I am stronger. My business will be stronger and because of what I went through, I will be able to help more people in more profound ways.
The challenges seem like I have to move mountains. Frankly, I didn’t have the energy for that today. I wanted a day of escape. I didn’t want to think of the multitude of mounting problems that face me.
Yet, as the challenges are daunting, the opportunities are vast. So much I have learned. I have come so far. Even so far as to be bold and speak about what I do in an atmosphere I once would have found intimidating.
I spoke about it with passion and ease, just explaining how I helped women launch their businesses through remote coaching.
As I described my programs and what I do, doors started opening before me I never thought possible. I found that I was wanted. I had something valuable and powerful that could not only build my business, but deeply touch the lives of many women all over the world.
I don’t know how this opportunity is going to turn out. I have shrunk today in my own little escapist world by reading an historical novel. But tomorrow I must get back in the fray, caught between the juxtaposition of reaching for a pinnacle of success and wading through a ton of irritating hurdles to get there. Caught between the juxtaposition of fear of failure and fear of success.
One thing I know as I finished my book tonight, disappointed in the ending, in the lack of growth in the main character–I want to meet these challenges with boldness, confidence, grace, and strength. I want this experience to grow me, my business, and help others grow in the process.
Because building a brand takes confidence. Not just in yourself. It takes faith. Faith to move a mustard seed. To move a mountain. And that takes faith in God.